This weekend was wall-to-wall amazing. The sunshine! Brunch! Blossom! Ducks on the pond! Endless coffee, and Netflix-marathoning, and spending time with family! I don’t think it could’ve been more perfect if it tried.
Let me break it down :: I woke up early both days, which I’m learning for me is the key to a great weekend. Jason and I differ wildly on this, and I don’t know about you, but I kind of feel like I’ve wasted the day if I lounge around in bed till midday and don’t get showered or dressed until the early afternoon. We started the weekend with breakfast in bed (on that little pink tea tray I’m so obsessed with) with the curtains and windows open to let in as much sunlight as possible. You know, it still feels such a novelty to actually *want* to spend time in our bedroom. The old combination of pink carpet, pale pink walls and a floral wallpaper border (picture that!) was so hideous that we basically spent as little time in there as possible. We’re still kind of giddy to have a bedroom that feels serene and beautiful, and that we can enjoy spending time in. We talked over our week, and ate yoghurt and fresh fruit with a little Nutella for dipping. Jason and I have been working hard recently to share our stresses and worries with one another, because we both have a tendency to clam up about the big stuff and then find ourselves venting our stress and frustration by being irritable with one another. Even though I’ve always considered us to be pretty good at talking and sharing with each other, communicating so openly is making the hugest difference to our relationship.
Jason tends to take care of Teddy on Saturdays- they go on a little morning walk before Teddy’s training class in the afternoon- so I spent most of the day tidying up the house (which felt SO GOOD I can’t even tell you!) doing a work out (which also felt amazing, though I’m still aching) and then popped to the garden centre in the afternoon with my Mum. I needed to buying a new notepad and Teddy some rawhide treats, but came away with some a bunch of pink ranunculus and a bluebell scented candle instead. Such is the overwhelming power of pretty candle displays and cut flower departments, I guess.
Sunday marked the two year anniversary of my Grandma’s passing, so we met up with my Mum, sister and cousins to eat brunch together and to celebrate her life. And it really did feel like a celebration, which is strange because in those early days, just after we watched yet another member of our family fade away, it felt as though there’d never be anything to celebrate again. Grief is a strange thing. It sits, pooled, at the bottom of my lungs, heavy and constant and still, only rising up like a wave and spilling forth in the rare moments when my mind is quiet and unoccupied by the present. It felt like drowning right at the beginning. The grief bubbled high in my throat- a physical squeeze around my windpipe that constricted my ability to breathe and speak and eat, and made all the words that came out of my mouth either a whisper or a shout. It recedes though. Slowly, steadily, reluctantly even.
My family, like all families, have lost. We’ve lost fathers, and uncles, and mothers, and grandfathers. And yet even after all that we are able to unite, years on, and laugh and celebrate and remember without feeling broken by the amount of empty chairs at our table. Family astounds me. The human spirit astounds me.
It was a really, really good weekend. I hope you had a beautiful one, too. <3