A year.


yesterday afternoon, jason and i braved the rain (it was torrential!) and journeyed to guildford for lunch with my family at bill’s. we got together to celebrate the life of my beautiful grandma, since yesterday marked the one year anniversary of her passing. it’s hard to contemplate that an entire year has gone by since she left our lives. 
 during those first few awful months after we lost her, i used to feel so resentful whenever people told me that time would heal, and things would get easier. i thought ‘how can you say that? i don’t want things to get easier, i don’t want to get used to living in a world where i haven’t got a grandma, i don’t want to forget.’ but as the days and weeks and months plodded on, i realised that no matter how hard i dug my heels in and yearned for the past i was already living in a world without my grandma, and the last thing she’d want is for me to missing my present, for the sake of yesterday. 
so yesterday afternoon there were no tears, and instead, there was laughter, and food, and many a happy memory recounted :) we love you grandma. yesterday, today, and always. x

below: bill’s halloumi and houmous burger.
below: my oh so beautiful ma. 

below: we wound up comparing handwriting. why? who knows! but we learnt that my handwriting is the most childish (cool), cesca’s is the same as mum’s, and emily doesn’t like writing ‘w’s. 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10467948190615148711 Lys

    I had a similar situation with grief. My uncle and grandmother died within a month of each other, two years ago in April. It was certainly the most difficult thing I had to deal with and I too resented people telling me time would heal. But it does! I guess people are right after all, hard to accept at the time though. I’m glad you had a happy day remembering yor grandma, I think that’s the best way to be. X


  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321392126360255031 Alice

    We always end up comparing handwriting when waiting for things too! So sorry you’ve lost your grandma- when I lost my nanna three years ago, it was awful, but you’re right- she wouldn’t want me to be sad about it and not enjoying the now. Lots of love to you xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15845725680141337020 Jessica Glenn

    These photos look amazing Rosie!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06044855888709229897 Paprika

    Awh it’s good to remember people in a happy way like that. Bill’s is lovely, everything is so tastyxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07375323217053031239 Vic

    Spending those days together is such a good way to remind yourself what family is all about. I completely understand where you’re coming from – when I lost my Dad I remember getting so angry with people who told me it would get easier. I felt like they were telling me that I’d forget & I hated that thought, but it does get easier and I think you realise that its the sadness you lose. Not all the memories, just the grief. Thinking of you xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09371587846472361929 Kerry Provenzano

    This is such a beautiful post. The words are perfect as are the photos. And it’s a little ironic that you guys held back the tears but the clouds didn’t

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02040675381682131498 Louise Lavender

    This is a lovely post. I love that you are honest about your grief. Too many people are too guarded about things like that and just push feelings down. It’s great you managed to focus on a celebration of life with your family, while still acknowledging it’s a sad event. x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02231613403755359599 blue october

    Aah I was there yesterday too!
    My Nan sadly died just over a year ago too, and still find it so hard to think about it all, I miss her so much. Not everyone is close with their grandparents so don’t always understand how heartbreaking it is. I’m glad you’re found happiness xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07103077449753043898 Jo

    This is a lovely way to remember a woman that was so special, grief is a horrible thing but this just shows it can be a celebration as well (: xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03587539170121585473 Emily

    Sending you massive hugs Rosie, my lovely little chum. I know exactly how you feel and you sum it up so well. Sometimes i struggle with even thinking about it as it just makes me tearful, but I know I need to have times like you did yesterday and think of all the wonderful memories. We’re going on a family holiday to celebrate my grandmas life and will be in vegas when it’s a year since she died- it was her favourite place in the world so I know I will have to make the most of it for her! xxxxxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03587539170121585473 Emily

    ps. those pink trousers. AMAZING.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00465397986274223331 LottiLovesLondon

    I heart Bill’s! Breakfast there is so yummy :) Also your pink trousers! X

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09070219776982675074 Sallytangle

    This is such a beautifully written post Rosie, it made me fill up! Such a lovely lovely post. Your grandma must have been some woman ;) xxxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08999617727253327730 Tabitha

    Lovely post, and I’m glad you had such a lovely day remembering your grandma. I made a real effort last year to pop over and spend time with my Nan as often as I could. I haven’t been able to as much lately, but I really miss doing it. It was fascinating spending time one to one getting to really know her and hear about her experiences. In fact, the more time spent with her the more I realised she’s possibly the one family member that I’m most like. It really scares me to think that I’ll probably never truly appreciate her until she’s gone, so I’m going to do everything I can to visit her as often as possible.

    I bet your grandma’s looking down feeling really proud of your accomplishments Rosie. You’re a credit to her! x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11577235833575174027 Soph.

    Sounds like you had a lovely day (if that’s the right word!) it’s always nice to remember those we have lost. xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14940861645294377172 Lizzie Romer

    What a lovely post, it sounds like you spent the anniversary in the best possible way and had a lovely time reminiscing! And I keep meaning to try Bill’s, maybe I will when I’m back for Easter!xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16860521487869080624 Bianca

    I’m sorry about your grandma. My nan passed away this January so I can relate to the resentment you spoke about. I’m glad you spent yesterday with family. I’m sure grandma is looking over you xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02593134750736342874 Callie Thorpe

    I am sorry about the loss of your Grandma, I lost mine 11 years ago and it never gets any easier but you seem to be very happy. I am sure that Jason was brought into your life as a blessing from above. Keep smiling. x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17594166356861813187 LouLou in Paris

    What a lovely post. I’m so glad you got together with those who cherished your grandma as much as you did, in order to celebrate her life. She definitely wouldn’t want you to miss out on your present, what wise words. Keep all those special memories with her in a safe place :)
    p.s. I love your shoes and trousers, where did you get them from?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07773641045569655909 Ms. Megan

    haha! ‘and Emily doesn’t like writing w’s’ I really dislike writing z’s!!
    This is such a lovely post Rosie filled with pretty photos! Your grandma sounds like such a beautiful person!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12722545053896667144 VioletDaffodils

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma, I think it is great you all got together to celebrate her life :) xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12059059150675699539 Kay

    What a lovely post Rosie. When I lost my Mum just over a year ago, I thought my life wouldn’t go on and I wanted the world to stop. Yes I miss her everyday but these days when I think of her, memories bring a smile to my face rather than a tear to my eye. What a lovely way to celebrate your Grandma’s life, because after all that is what we should do; celebrate that we had these wonderful people in our lives.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15377545174612897833 Reni J

    It’s funny I just came across your blog for the first time yesterday and I read this post thinking how difficult it must be to move past greif and smile instead of cry. And then a couple hours ago my granddad passed away, it was quite a shock to me because he wasn’t ill or anything. It’s still so fresh to me, I can barely stop crying but I know he’s in a better place now. I hope in a year I can be like you and think of all the happy memories without missing him so much and feeling like breaking down. X


  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15584757569606215847 MirrorOnThe Wall

    It’s great that you were able to get together and celebrate her life. I was aware that you’d lost your grandmother fairly recently, but didn’t realise how close it was to the day that I lost mine – a year ago last week. I don’t think we ever fully get used to being without them, but I take comfort in the fact that mine had a long and happy life, and that that’s what matters in the grand scheme of things. I’m sure that yours did too.
    Mel xx


Read from the beginning >